Here’s a common question we get at Room to Breathe: “I’m tired of picking up after my child. My son doesn’t put away his video games, bike, toys, backpack or anything else, for that matter. How can I make him more responsible?”
Oh boy, well, I’m not trained in child psychology or any psychology for that matter. But, I can offer some tips that should help.
Sadly, I see this situation in many of the homes I work in. Often though, it’s the parents who do not enforce the rules — if there are even any rules in place.
Like many children, your son or daughter may have developed a deaf ear and is intentionally or unintentionally ignoring your begging, nagging and scolding. Stop wasting your energy on these things and start thinking of a more effective strategy. Children can’t learn to be responsible unless their parents give them responsibilities and are seen being responsible themselves.
If you’re constantly bugging your child to complete a task or ultimately end up doing it yourself, you are still assuming that responsibility. If you’re doing things for your child that he or she should be doing, stop immediately. You’re doing your child no favor and not helping to prepare him or her for future life without mommy.
Have you tried using any kind of checklist? This might be a good start. A checklist can help organize your busy lives, make sure responsibilities are clearly defined and give you a way to track completion of the task.
Some additional ideas to teach your child to tackle his or her responsibilities:
• Involve your child in the decision-making process of chores.
• Be willing to discuss and compromise on tasks.
• Define the tasks clearly. Make sure your child fully understands his or her duties. He can only complete things he understands, right?
• Once you’ve defined tasks, write them down. Make a list of clearly defined responsibilities. Leave a couple of blank spaces for any additional tasks that may need to be added. Also add when it’s to be completed (day, week, time), how long it should take and a reward for completing everything.
• Encourage your child to mark things off as he or she does them. Your child will feel great knowing things are done.
• Be consistent. Be consistent. Be consistent. Make sure everyone understands that responsibility is important. This is especially true if your child spends time between two homes. I try to encourage divorced parents to work together in order for children to have the same experiences in each home.
Don’t feel guilty about giving your child duties; feel good about teaching him or her self-reliance. More importantly, children who accept duties at home are better able to take charge of their own learning. A developed sense of responsibility will not only help your child now but will carry over to school and his or her future.
Just wait for that thank you; it will come and it will be great.
Jessica Dolan is a professional organizer at Room to Breathe Home Organizing and Staging (www.roomtobreathe.us).
This weekly column, published on Wednesdays, is a collaboration of Centre County Communities That Care serving Bald Eagle, Bellefonte, Penns Valley, and Philipsburg-Osceola Area School Districts, and Care Partnership: Centre Region Communities That Care serving the State College Area School District.
