My Dad wasn’t around much when I was young, and this damaged our relationship. However, things started changing by the time I was 13. Since then, our relationship has greatly improved, one turning point occurring when I told him that I loved him. Most Dads have at least one area in their relationship with their own father that they wish could improve. By continually striving to better the relationship with your father, you are potentially improving your quality of life and the life of your own children. In an article titled “If Only I Could Say I Love You Dad,” author Ralph Keyes discusses how many men feel awkward in sharing emotions with their fathers — yet they wish they could. Keyes makes seven suggestions for sons who want to reach out to their fathers:
•Keep in mind that your father is a son, too.
•Take the initiative. If you don’t, conversations may not happen.
•Don’t begin with grievances, no matter how justified. Ease into it with general conversation about his or your childhood.
•Really listen to what your father has to say.
•Search for common ground. If you have fond memories of time spent together — tell him!
•Remember it’s as important for your father to hear that you care about him, as it is for you to hear this from your dad.
•Tell him soon. Next year or tomorrow may be too late. The best day to tell your father you love him may be today.
ACTION IDEAS:
Go ahead — pick up the phone! If your father is not reachable or has passed away, consider writing a letter expressing your feelings.
The local fathering effort, in cooperation with the National Center for Fathering, provides bi-weekly Action Ideas to stimulate conversation between fathers and parents. For more information, or to join local conversations, contact David Eggebeen at e5x@psu.edu, Mick Trombley at mick@micktrombley.com, Robert Orndorff at rmo104@psu.edu, Chris Dufour at chrisdufour19@gmail.com, or Marc McCann at 237-1719 or marc@thesecondmile.org.
