Jorn Junod loves a love story.

Junod, 50, isn’t afraid to admit he enjoys chick flicks or admires chivalry. But he’s also a realist.

As the pastor of the Discovery Road Church, wed for 28 years, the Patton Township resident and father of two grown children regularly counsels couples on marital challenges. In honor of this month of valentines, he chatted about matters of the heart.

What do you tell couples about being in love?

... I won’t marry anyone unless they are willing to go through premarital counseling, because after 28 years of my own marriage, the trials, troubles and tribulations of that, it’s like I’ll do everything I can to help them avoid some of the pain, the pitfalls, that they would end up going through. When a couple is coming in to sit down and talk with me, I use the term “They’re in a fantasy world.” It’s much more about their emotions than it is about logic. They’re looking at each other through rose-colored lenses for sure.

And so when you’re trying to have a conversation with them, I always start off with the first question, every time: “Why do you have love this person?” And you would be amazed at the answers that you get.

What are some of the responses?

You know, the guy is usually generic, straight up: “She’s nice. She’s kind. She’s beautiful. She treats me nice.” The typical things. The women, I’ve had them just kind of coo and go, “Because he loves me,” ... just really coming from a place of the deep, emotional connection people have with each other. Which is a beautiful thing, and God gives that to everybody. I’m not sure you can be in love, logically, and not have that deep, emotional connection with the person at the same time. That’s part of the gift of the relationship. If you’re not feeling warm and fuzzy at least a few times, it’s probably best you head out of town as quickly as possible.

How do you help couples go beyond fantasy?

... You have to understand, I’m marrying mostly young adults. So they don’t have a lot of history. And unfortunately, most of them are coming from ... they don’t have a lot of good reference points themselves a lot of times. ... A lot of them come from divorced families, so that’s the foundation they’re standing on when they come in here. So there is a little cynicism that they are carrying with them.

So I really try to help them to first reflect on who they are, what kind of person they are. Because if they can come to grips with who they are, then the quality of love that they’re able to produce will potentially be better. ... I mean, we live in a narcissistic society. Let’s just admit it. So the reality is, love is normally about what I’m going to get, not what I’m going to give. And unfortunately, historically, the social context of marriage, the flame usually only lasts six to nine months, and then that passion cools down, and then you’re left with the reality of this long-term commitment that I’m supposed to have towards this person.

Do you see young people with unrealistic notions of love?

Every couple. I think it comes from the culture. The culture is, unfortunately many times, it’s our schoolmaster. It’s our teacher. It drives and develops our social and relational structure that we use to say, “This is a good relationship” or “This is going to be a good relationship.” And again, because people are so tied to their emotions when they’re initially getting married, it’s hard for them the hear, like, “There’s going to be days when this is going to be rough.” There are days it’s going to be rough. Here’s what I do: I get them to tell me why you love that person. ... I take them to a scripture in the Bible that says, “If you get married, you will have many troubles in this life.” I start them off with that.

What’s the objective?

The objective is to bring some realism to the relationship. ... Hopefully, the first time they have a bump in the road, or they’re struggling with communication or how they feel, or the unfortunate monster-in-law, or whatever it is they have to battle, that they’ll somehow remember my voice at that moment, like, “I was told this was going to be a challenge.”

... Marriage is the most difficult relationship you will ever have in your whole life. There is no relationship that is more challenging. Anything else you can cut and run. ... Unfortunately, 50 percent of Americans gets a divorce, but the truth is most people are wrecked after a divorce. They’re wrecked till the day they die. Even couples who say, “Well, it was amicable and we don’t hate each other,” well, you can’t say you were one with a person, become one with that person in body, soul and spirit, and then all of a sudden decide you’re not going to stay committed to that.

The illustration I use sometimes when I’m talking about marriage in my messages is I’ll take two pieces of wood and I’ll take — I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Gorilla Glue, it’s like crazy glue — and the day before I’ll glue those pieces of wood together. And then I’ll take them up on the stage and say, “A man and a woman, when they marry, they become one.” If you understand the glues we use now, it melds it together. Once it’s together, you can never get it apart. So now when you decide you don’t want to commit to this person, love this person, walk with this person till the day you die, or even if they’ve done something gross against you and you have legitimacy in ending the relationship, it is impossible, literally, for you to totally and completely ever separate from that person again.

Then what I do is take a large hammer and a chisel, and I smash that and tear that apart. And when you tear that apart, part of the wood from the one block and the other block, they’re stuck on each other. There’s never a clean break.

That’s a powerful visual.

Of course, I’m not having that conservation with people in the middle of their premarital counseling. ... But the reality is, love is never produced in the wealth of good times that you have. Real love is produced in the fires that you go through. That’s when you find out what you’re really made of, and what this person means to you.

What lessons do you draw from your own marriage?

There’s two things. No. 1 is, you need to understand how your spouse functions. Like, you need to understand who they are as a person. That doesn’t happen in the moments of passion. It just doesn’t. The average couple will be in a relationship and normally in a year, year and half, they’re going to be married. That’s that time when everything is wonderful, and we’re driven to have relationships. ... And we want it at all costs. And at all costs usually means, “I don’t let the person see who I really am until after I get married.” ... So the reality is, I really try to help people to think about, OK, do you know who this person really is? Do you understand who they are? Do you understand their family history? Like, who their parents are, what kind of parents they have ... Then you have to understand what we call the love languages. There are five primary love languages that a person is longing for. ... The guy who wrote the book [“The 5 Love Languages”] is called Gary Chapman. ... I only ask [couples] to read one book and that’s it ... because it helps you understand how the other person feels love and actually gives love.

What’s one question you ask couples?

I always ask my married couples, “When you look at your parents’ relationship, tell me the thing you love most about their relationship. Then tell me the thing you most hate.”

Why those two?

Because that is their social structure that they come from. Whether they know the truth spiritually or they read the Bible, and the Bible says, ‘Here‘s how you treat another human being,' come on, let’s not be naive. Yeah, that’s the ultimate hope, but more than likely, you‘re going to do those two things [to your spouse] eventually.

Do you have a favorite romantic film?

I love “You’ve Got Mail.” Here‘s two people who weren’t in love with the people they were with. They found each other; just the uniqueness of the story. Just awesome.

What advice do you give couples about keeping the flame going?

... When we look at romance in general, it is a physical thing. It’s not just sitting and having coffee together. But I tell every man, “You need to learn to have sex with your wife without having sex.” You need to understand, for them, it’s not wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am all the time. It’s an emotional connection to the depth of the relationship. It’s funny: When guys come to me and they’ll complain about their sex life, I’ll say, “Well, when was the last time you took the trash out, washed the dishes, or just decided you weren’t going to be an ogre and you were going to sit for 20 minutes and talk to your wife about your life and how your feel?” So the majority of passionless relationships, I believe, have to do with the man much more than the woman.

... Just like unconditional love is an investment, passion is an investment. And I think that they’re linked together. I think that when I choose to love someone unconditionally, you can’t help but see it reciprocated back to you. And in that is the intimacy, and the romance, and the love that you have for each other.