Ask Emily | Evaluate situation before getting angry over comment

April 26, 2014 

Dear Emily,

My boyfriend always tells me to “calm down” and “chill out.” It gets under my skin and really bothers me. What do I do to get it to stop?

Dear Bothered,

OK, let me cut to the chase and share some words of wisdom with you. Always keep this in the back of your mind, but don’t take it too literally when you are dealing with boys. ... Boys are stupid (in the least feminist way). I grew up hearing this from my parents when I’ve been in pickles with different boys, and they have proved this to be right. Don’t get me wrong, my parents may have just been trying to protect me and wanting me to not hang around some guys, but that never stopped me. Yet, what they say is always right (I’ll attest to that while saying it holding my breath). I have such a strong love/hate relationship with the gender of men, but most of the time they just aren’t thinking when they say things like that.

I agree, I hate to hear guys tell their girls to “chill out” and such, but it may be a matter of fact that you might actually be annoying at the time, too. Surprising, right? Women annoying? NEVER! So, start off with examining the situation and don’t lash out at him just yet.

You should begin by trying to understand why he is saying those idiotic comments. If you are being a little overbearing, then maybe you should “chill out,” but if he is just being a “stupid boy,” then you can get a little edgy and upset with him. To get it to stop, I would talk to him about it and tell him that when he says those things, it actually bothers you and you hate to hear it. Hopefully he comes to understand and knocks it off. If it gets worse and he actually starts getting mean with you, then re-evaluate your relationship. You deserve someone who will speak to you in a positive manner regardless of how much you get under each others’ skin.

Dear Emily,

Because it is nearing the end of the school year, I’ve been reflecting on my past four years of high school. I regret so many things and looking back on it, I’m not sure how I feel about my four years. I am so ready to graduate, but I’m scared to move forward. Does this make sense?

Dear Scared,

I do not like the word “regret.” In fact, I absolutely hate that word. I don’t like this word because I do not believe in it. I do not think anyone should regret anything. Yes, this seems like a long shot, but I firmly believe in it. Instead of regretting things and wanting to take things back, think of it in a different way. Everything you have experienced thus far in life is a reflection of the person you have become.

With experience, you gain knowledge and understanding. Once you experience something, it will change you. Some things you experience are going to drastically change who you are and others may only alter you over a change of time. Let this change happen; change is good.

Speaking of change ... you are about in embark on a lot of it in the next few months. Having mixed feelings is totally normal. I mean, this is cheesy, but it seriously is like a roller coaster ride. It has its ups and downs, highs and lows.

Yet whenever I get off the roller coaster — no matter how bumpy it was — I am always satisfied with the ride. Let this be a metaphor of the journey you are about to have. There are going to be (and there probably already have been) lots of highs and lows throughout high school, but at the end of it you will be satisfied. Trust me, how you feel makes sense but now you may be asking me “why?” at this point. And my answer to this is because I believe everything happens for a reason.

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