Giving them wings

By David Eggebeen

My twin daughters got their drivers license this year. This is something most teenagers eagerly look forward to; fathers often do not. Even six months later, I still feel a sense of relief when I hear the garage door open, signaling their safe arrival home.

Our children grow up. Parenting must change as our children change. A crucial part of parenting is preparing them to be adults - living independently, making good choices, dealing effectively with life’s ups and downs. How are you preparing your older children to be on their own? How are you preparing yourself?

ACTION IDEAS:

• Think back to your adolescence or young adulthood. What did your parents do to help you become independent? What was most effective?

• An important aspect of successful adulthood is being able to effectively learn from your mistakes. In order for children to learn how to do this, they must make mistakes - and face their consequences. Consider the way you father your children. Do they have “room to fail”? Or is their environment “risk free”? Do you automatically shield your children from the consequences of their choices?

• Listen to your children. Some requests for “freedom” are inappropriate, impractical, or borne of immaturity. Some requests, although not without some risk, might be good opportunities for your child to learn what it is like to be an adult.

The local fathering effort, in cooperation with the National Center for Fathering, provides bi-weekly action ideas to stimulate conversation between fathers and parents. For more information, or to join local conversations, contact

David Eggebeen at e5x@psu.edu

Mick Trombley at mick@apartmentstore.com

Robert Orndorff at rmo104@psu.edu

Marc McCann at 237-1719 or marc@thesecondmile.org