Memories of 1st love need to stay in past

- Philadelphia Daily News

Q. I'm in my early 50s and have been married to a wonderful woman for more than 25 years. I've only loved one other woman in my life -- a girl I dated briefly the summer I was 19. She was my first love. It was a casual dating relationship that never got to the serious stage. One day she abruptly dumped me. There was little explanation, and I walked away confused and hurt. That was 30 years ago, and I never saw her again, even though she lives in a neighboring community. I've been happy with my wife, but three years ago, that '70s girl popped into my head for some unknown reason. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I would never do anything stupid such as contacting her or cheating on my wife. But I can't figure out what triggered this: Is it a midlife crisis where you think about an old flame? Is it because I never had closure when I got dumped? Or is it something else? Steve: It's something else, all right: big trouble. As we age, we often think fondly of our past. The bad memories fade; only the good remains. And that means we always remember old flames as hotter than they really were. Odds are that '70s girl is today a fat, aging shrew. It is a rare man who's been happily married to a woman for 25 years. Recall that summer romance if you like, but know that your life wound up in a far better place.

Mia: Yes, you're having a midlife crisis about an old flame. And you know why? Because in your mind she is always 17 and unattainable -- unlike your wife who is middle-aged and talks to you about mundane things like the grocery list. Keep this fantasy girl strictly where she belongs ... in the past.

Steve and Mia

Relationship Advice