The State College Spikes' new season will feature human cannonballs, monkeys riding dogs and probably some baseball, if anyone still has the energy left over. Here's a roundup of some of the family-friendly promotions coming up this summer.
Opening Night (June 16): The Spikes will celebrate their home opener with the first of two Kia giveaways. Sure, the odds aren't great and best-case scenario you have to clear out another space in the garage, but that could be fun, right?
Bark in the Park Nights (June 20, July 1, Aug. 3, Aug. 30): Man's Best Friend. America's Favorite Pastime. Whoever has to walk around with a Pooper Scooper afterwards is probably less enthusiastic.
Cowboy Monkey Rodeo (June 24): This has been described as "monkeys riding dogs herding rams" — which is maybe just a screenplay pitch?
Bellies and Baseball Night (June 29): This evening's giveaway is presented by The Pregnancy Resource Center, because our children should not be brought into a world where they have to buy their own travel mugs.
Human Cannonball (July 3): "The Bullet" David Smith, Jr. makes his return to State College — presumably by car.
Military Appreciation Night (July 15): A military ID gets you free ice cream from the Penn State Berkey Creamery. As of press time, it was unclear how many scoops.
Myrtle Beach Trip Giveaway (July 21): You have to be 18 or older to qualify. Kids, try not to look at it as losing a vacation, but gaining a house party.
Paint the Park Night (July 22): The Spikes and Mount Nittany Health are partnering to give a "pink sunrise shirtsey" to each of the first 1,000 people through the gate. Nowhere in the rules does it say that by accepting you are agreeing to use the word "shirtsey" ever again.
Paint the Park Purple Night (Aug. 9): The Spikes highlight the fight against Alzheimer's disease with reusable purple tote bags — perfect for carrying heavy thoughts or canned goods at Wegmans.
Bobblehead Giveaway (Aug. 10): The first 1,000 fans through the gates will receive a Ki-Jana Carter bobblehead courtesy of The Nittany Lion Inn, The Penn Stater Conference Center Hotel and ESPN Radio 1450. The rest of you clearly have punctuality issues.
500th Game Commemorative T-Shirt Giveaway (Aug. 23): The words "T-shirt" and "extravaganza" don't get to spend a lot of time together so when they do, take notice.
Bobblehead Giveaway II (Aug. 24): The first 1,000 fans through the gates will receive a DaeSean Hamilton bobblehead courtesy of The Nittany Lion Inn, The Penn Stater Conference Center Hotel and ESPN Radio 1450. Everyone else gets to ask themselves some very difficult questions about self-sabotage.
Backpack Giveaway (Aug. 25): And you thought that you were going to have to carry all of your textbooks to innings 1- 9.
Thon Night (Aug. 30): It seems like they're burying the lede on free fanny packs here — possibly out of respect to the backpack giveaway.
Fan Appreciation Night (Aug. 31): A.K.A your second chance at winning a Kia. The odds are a little bit worse but the consolation prize is heartfelt sentiment so... Draw?