What not to show your mother

Dear Matthew:


So, let’s just recap the conversation we had in the truck last night so that I can clarify a few things for you.


When I asked you if you had started learning about the human body in school, you said, and I quote,  “OH, I know ALL about the human body!! I don’t need any help with that.” 


To which I replied, “And what DO you know?”


You said, “I know that if you hold your bladder too long, PISS will come out of your MOUTH!”




“Yeah.  Oh, and I also think I’ll be getting hair on my balls. Here let me show you… “


“NO!!!”    Thank God I stopped you as you began to unzip your pants to show me the ONE pubic hair you had located the previous evening.  (At least you’re not calling it a nut sack anymore.)  However, I’ve reserved several hours for you on Saturday at which time I plan to debunk some of the things that you’ve learned on the playground.  Oh, and it will NOT be Show and Tell.   Until then, keep those pants zipped mister.