Ex-etiquette: Emotional artifacts

Q. My girlfriend and I are moving in together, and while cleaning out her garage, I found a box of photos of her with other guys - except most of the guys are cut out, so it's basically her with a random torso on a boat, her with a random torso skiing... Do I say something? What's good ex-etiquette?

A. Ah, the archaeological dig of a relationship -- the garage clean out. You go in looking for old tennis rackets and come out holding emotional artifacts you were not prepared to carbon-date.

So, there you are, box in hand, flipping through a highlight reel of your girlfriend's past. Except it's not quite a highlight reel, it's more like a photo autopsy of former boyfriends.

And now you're wondering: Do I say something?

Short answer: Not the way you're thinking.

Long answer: This isn't actually about the guys in the photos. It's about what the photos represent -- to you. And it's a little about why she felt compelled to keep them at all. The answer to that could be as simple as, "I forgot they were out there." Or, "I looked cute in that picture…"

Because let's be honest, those cut-off exes? They're not competition. If anything, they've been downgraded to headless - in a box. What you're really reacting to is the reminder that she had a life before you. Adventures. Relationships. Moments that didn't include you -- and now you're standing there holding proof.

That can sting a little. Totally normal. But here's where good ex-etiquette comes in:

Don't make her past defend itself just because you stumbled into it.

She didn't sit you down and say, "Let me show you all the men I've loved before you - minus their heads." You found a box in a garage. Context matters.

Now, should you say something? Sure, if it's coming from curiosity, not accusation.

There's a big difference between:

"Why do you still have pictures of your exes?"

and

"I came across those old photos - looks like you've had some fun adventures."

One puts her on trial. The other invites a story.

And yes, if you're being honest, there's probably one practical question floating around in your brain that has nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with logistics:

"Hey… is this box making the move with us, or staying here?"

Here's the teachable moment: People don't need to erase their past to be committed to their present. In fact, a healthy relationship includes a quiet understanding that both of you showed up with history.

So what's the move?

You don't interrogate. You don't compete with faceless ski jackets. And you don't turn a dusty box into a present-day problem. But you are allowed to ask, lightly, kindly, whether the box is coming along for the ride. Because good ex-etiquette isn't about pretending the past didn't happen. It's about knowing the past doesn't get to move in unless both of you agree it fits. That's good ex-etiquette.

Copyright 2026 Tribune Content Agency. All Rights Reserved.

This story was originally published April 21, 2026 at 5:10 AM.