Healthy relationships: When the pandemic keeps more people at home, what if that home isn’t safe?

Like many of us lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home. As the pandemic progresses, the staff of Centre Safe has been working as remotely as possible and those of us who can are working from home. I’ve told many folks that I’ve developed a true love-hate relationship with my basement! I am lucky that I like my home (and the people in it on most days). But now that we are fully immersed in the holidays, I am very aware of how home may not be the best or safest place for others.

Working in the field of domestic violence, I know that for many, home is not a safe place and the words “home, sweet home” often ring hollow. But the pandemic has crystallized the reality that for many people staying home doesn’t make their lives better – it often makes things worse.

In addition to those experiencing domestic violence, I think of those struggling with depression, for whom the isolation of sitting in front of a screen all day at work or school, without genuine human contact, pushes them deeper into despair. Or those teens who are struggling with their gender or sexual identities and don’t know if they can talk to their parents, much less come out. And I think about those children for whom school or church or after-school activities provided a break and a safe haven from the violence in their homes. When children who are being abused by a parent have fewer people in the community to watch out for them, to notice something wrong, to speak on their behalf, they are at increased risk.

Sociologist Matthew Desmond wrote that “Home is where children find safety and security, where we find our identities, where citizenship starts. It usually starts with believing you’re part of a community, and that is essential to having a stable home.” I believe that is true for teens and adults as well.

Communities are concentric circles — family, neighborhood, town, country — and the ways we feel included in one community have implications for our sense of inclusion in the others. If we are safe at home, we are more likely to experience safety in other communities. If we are not safe at home, for whatever reason, it will be much harder to feel safe in other communities. But for Centre Safe, and the many other human service agencies in Centre County, providing physical, emotional and psychological safety is what we continue to do. It is what the community needs us to figure out.

So, in a world where “outside” isn’t safe, and “inside” isn’t safe for many, where does safety start? For Centre Safe, it starts by being clear that we’re still here, that shelter is still an option, that support and advocacy haven’t stopped, that someone will still pick up the phone when a victim of domestic violence calls for help. For us and others, it is making the best of virtual contact and sending as much support as possible over Zoom. It is providing financial help to those who’ve lost jobs, lost homes, lost loved ones, who have lost so much in this pandemic. If safety isn’t possible at home, the community must step up to provide it through hotlines and Zoom calls, drive-thru services and socially distanced assistance.

This holiday season, think about how you can become part of building a wider community of safety where home can include all of us.