Mokita Dialogues: The difficult but necessary talk with kids about sex and the internet

While there are many benefits to the internet and technology, it also provides chances for youth to be exposed to content that is not age appropriate and to discover sites that impact their development, specifically when it comes to sex.

Dr. Megan Maas, an award-winning researcher whose work has been published in national outlets such as HuffPost, CNN and Salon, will lead a discussion on “Sex and the Internet” for the February edition of Jana Marie Foundation’s Mokita Dialogues. The conversation will take place at 11 a.m. Feb. 25 via Zoom (tinyurl.com/MokitaDialogues).

“It’s important to talk to your kids about the birds and bees or the internet will,” Maas said.

She added that the internet highlights unrealistic graphics and images, adding to confusion for kids around what sex may really look like or feel like.

Maas is an assistant professor in human development and family studies at Michigan State University. She received her Ph.D. in 2016 from Penn State. Her research, which has been recognized by the American Psychological Association, focuses on adolescent sexual development. Specifically, she investigates how experiences on social media, sexting and online pornography play a bi-directional role in the development of attitudes and behavior related to sexuality and gender.

“Talking about sex with kids is hard enough, let alone talking about porn,” Maas said. Talking about porn and sex isn’t a one-time deal, she added. “Regardless of how you feel about how right or wrong porn is, it is essential to understand porn and sex are quite different and should be approached differently.”

As parents, engaging in courageous conversations with our kids always make us squirm a little. When preparing to talk with your child, consider your approach. In general, you’ll want to try to be authentic, relaxed and as conversational as possible. Limiting the distractions around you can help make your child know that you are approachable and ready to talk.

Open and comfortable communication with your child(ren) helps develop confidence, self-esteem and cooperation, and helps strengthen your bond. Starting these conversations early will help make them easier as children get older.

As the conversation progresses, let your child take the lead. Allow them to ask questions and to set the pace. Coming from a place of acceptance and validating their feelings will help your child open up even more. Most importantly, throughout the conversations, reinforce your love for them.

After the conversations, take a deep breath. You did it! Now it’s time to practice self-care, reach out to professionals if you need assistance in talking through something, and to cultivate your own support network. After all, it takes a village!

Maas said that keeping kids safe online can be challenging. Along with having conversations, it is important to monitor the online activity of kids.

“Does monitoring replace parenting? No. Is your kid going to try to disable any software you install? Yes. But it’s still your responsibility to not only keep your kids safe online, but also to teach them how to keep themselves safe when they’ve shown they can handle the responsibility of having 24-hour access to the web,” Maas said.

Maas provides some steps to assist with knowing where to begin with keeping our kids safe online.

• Get to know the technology that our kids are using.
• Check the privacy and parental settings on all your devices, including phones, computers, game consoles, etc. and use them.
• Filter and monitor the usage of devices in your home.
• Talk to your kids about digital citizenship.
• Limit technology use through the use of a tech curfew.
• Keep internet devices in public places (including your phone, too!)
• Set rules with consequences.
• Gradually build autonomy.

To learn more about ways we can protect our kids and encourage safe internet usage, join Jana Marie Foundation on Thursday, Feb. 25 at 11 a.m. for the next Mokita Dialogues. Maas will start the conversation by providing more information before moving into a discussion around how we can all play a part in keeping our kids safe and healthy.