Healthy relationships: This year, the gift of time may be most important on Mother’s Day

As I reflect back on the columns I’ve done over the years in May, they often center around Mother’s Day. It usually is a great opportunity to encourage fathers to give the gift of respect to their children’s mothers and that continues to be a gift to both moms and kids that is critical to the healthy development of children and families.

But this year as I was thinking about what is happening in the lives of many mothers, I Googled “pandemic parenting” and what I found was alarming. The impact of COVID and the pandemic on moms has been devastating and I believe will have lasting negative impacts on both moms and kids if we don’t pay attention to it.

I remember when I was the mother of small children, trying to work full time, and even with a very supportive spouse, I often thought I would be tired for the rest of my life. It was impossible to imagine a life where I wouldn’t be exhausted. I think most moms of small children feel this way. But the situation for moms during the pandemic is fundamentally different.

A recent survey done by Today Parents of 1,200 moms found that 83% were feeling burned out by pandemic parenting. This isn’t surprising when accompanied by the finding that 83% of moms say they are doing 60% or more of the housework or home responsibilities and 60% indicate that they rarely or never take time for their own well-being. The pressure of at home or virtual schooling, working from home — or not working if you’ve lost your job and the constant vigilance of managing a child’s (or your own) health added to the normal challenges of parenting often means that moms may have less and less energy precisely at the time when more is needed. It is a vicious cycle. And for single parents or those with little to no family support it is worse.

I have heard several moms I know say that one thing they will miss when the pandemic is over is the ability to spend time with their kids watching them learn, having lunch with them every day, just interacting in new ways. But both things can be true at the same time – you can love spending time with your kids and still be exhausted by the demands of parenting in a pandemic.

So this Mother’s Day, perhaps it is most important to give the gift of time to a mom you know. If you can offer to babysit for an afternoon within appropriate COVID protocol, do that. If you are a dad who has been going into the office (even if it is to your home office) while Mom is juggling school and work herself, take a vacation day (or two or three) and you be the primary parent. Create the space for a mom you know to sit down and read a book, listen to music, take a walk in the woods, whatever might be relaxing for her. The good news is that most of the moms surveyed believed that next year would be better. Hope can get us through many difficult days — and so can some time off.