Mokita Dialogues: Shining a light on the power of ‘embracing failure’

Join Jana Marie Foundation at 11 a.m. Thursday, May 27, on Zoom for its next Mokita Dialogues that will shine a light on the power of “Embracing Failure.”

Experts tell us the rules of success, habits of highly successful people, and how to move up the ladder. We hear messages everyday of how we can be the best version or ourselves. Society and culture create these norms, and we tend to fall into place: We decide if we are a success or a failure based on the rules someone else wrote for us.

But, what about our rules and our standards? In our quiet moments, what do we define as success for ourselves?

It’s simple. We must get rid of what Martha Beck, life coach and best-selling author, calls the “Everybody Committee” — stop worrying about what others think about your success. Don’t let them define it. It’s not your business to be in theirs.

Honestly, if you were to create a list of all of the people (“Everybody”) you allow to influence your self-perception and your success, it likely includes people who don’t truly know or care about you. You are the only one who knows your needs, your definition of success, and the way you can get there. We can start by firing our “Everybody Committee” and gathering a few true cheerleaders — people who invest in you. These people are the ones who believe in your ability to know what is best for you in life, and are willing to congratulate you or give a swift kick to your butt if needed. Finding this new committee is key.

Then what? What if we still fail based on our own standards? Pause. Are we really failing? Sometimes we might not hit the mark, get the job, or make the grade, and it may seem like a failure. But we must remember that simply putting ourselves out there and continuing the battle is success. Brene Brown says, “Your ability to live a life that’s full of love and meaning, to make the world a braver and kinder place, to disrupt and reshape the future, has very little to do with the greatness of your plan (or the plans of others). It depends completely on your ability to get back up and begin again when your plan fails. What starts here changes the world if you’re committed to getting back up and beginning again, the exact same number of times that you fall, trip, and get pushed down.”

It takes courage to get back up again and curiosity to see what we have learned. Failure can be our best teacher. Pain and suffering is a teacher. Pause in it. Be in it. Ask for what it is teaching you. Be patient. Listen. Be brave and acknowledge that you are grieving, sad, disappointed. Just be in it and feel it. Feelings are indicators of places we are ready to grow. See what your biggest fear is and look in the rearview mirror. The opposite of that fear is your next step toward growth, goodness, and freedom.

Ask yourself — what have I learned from my failures or moments that I have stumbled? Were they so bad? Did they point me in a direction of something better? Just putting yourself out there, failing, getting back up, and trying again is success. Failure should have less of a negative connotation and carry with it a sense of enlightenment. It becomes a gift. What have I learned, and what can I take with me as I move forward?

How do we embrace our failures? By re-calibrating, dusting ourselves off, and getting back up again. Otherwise, we are just laying on the ground, letting someone of something else define us. Ultimately, it is up to you. True freedom comes when we consider our failures as beginnings rather than endings. These moments of pause create an opportunity for self-discovery and the ability to move ever so slightly toward our best life — one day at a time.