Healthy relationships: Finding your purpose, passion, vocation and using it to make a difference

I have just returned from a time with my family as we celebrated the life of my father and mourned his passing. While my dad died in early May, this past weekend was the time that we were able to make the trek back to the place in Oklahoma where he and my mother spent their lives together. My parents were married there, my siblings and I were all born there, and it was there that my mother took her last breath seven years ago. As the minister said to those gathered for the service, “You are Sam Ard’s people.” And it was true.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” This quote came to mind as I reflected on my dad’s life, because whether he knew the quote or not, my dad lived it every day. It is a purpose to which I aspire and one that I hope I’ve taught my own children. And I believe that it is a purpose that is lived out in many and varied ways in all our various communities.

How to be useful and how to make a difference in our community is an important question for all of us, I think. And it will look different depending on our circumstances and commitments – and who our community is. For some, being useful and making a difference happens in the ways we interact with others in our network – driving a friend to a doctor’s appointment, or taking a meal when someone is ill, for example.

For other people, being useful and making a difference might be volunteering for a cause that is important to you, perhaps a political campaign, or an organization whose mission you support (Centre Safe is always looking for volunteer counselor/advocates if this describes you). There are those who are useful and make a difference through their leadership in civic organizations, or faith communities. There are others who are useful and make a difference in working with children as mentors, coaches or teachers. I spoke to a group of realtors the other day and reminded them that they are useful and make a difference by finding people homes. The possibilities are endless and as varied as the communities in which we live.

The minister at my father’s service used the word vocation to describe this useful and purposeful life. It is a powerful concept, although not often used these days. Theologian Frederick Buechner defines one’s vocation as the place where “your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” It could be anywhere – in neighborhoods, faith communities, friendship groups, our local community or the wider world. No matter where we find it, the purposeful life described by Emerson, our vocation, according to Buechner, takes us out of ourselves and into the lives of others. It involves giving oneself to others to make their lives easier, to make the world a better place, to help meet a need. And it is a fundamental part of creating healthy relationships. For me, it is a legacy from my parents – and theirs before them – that I hope I have embodied and passed on to my children.