Fathering: Live, face-to-face communication is a lost art among our kids

Our kids and teens spend much more time alone than they did in the past. According to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey, people aged 15-29 spent about 45% more time alone in 2023 than in 2010. The Pew Research Center reports 60% of teens say they spend time with their friends online every day or almost every day, compared with 24% who spend time with their friends in person with the same frequency (not including school or school-related activities).

The data is clear: Today’s youth spend much less time talking in-person with friends and peer groups than previous generations.

So what’s the big deal? Alone time prevents children and youth from developing communication skills and meaningful relationships and affects their performance in high school and post-graduation. This carries over to the workplace: According to company recruiters, today’s college students lack strong communication skills, as demonstrated during interviews. According to Intelligent, a student life magazine, 53% of 789 surveyed employers said recent college graduates struggle with eye contact and communication skills. During an employer panel at last year’s career services conference at Penn State, company recruiters expressed great concern regarding the lack of interviewing skills among today’s college students.

We really shouldn’t be surprised! There are no shortcuts when it comes to human development. All forms of human development require a high volume of repetitions to reach high levels of proficiency. Just look at riding a bike or skiing. The more we do something, the more natural it becomes. The first time we get on a bike or a pair of skis, it feels very unnatural! After numerous repetitions, the bike and skis start to feel like they’re part of us as we wave to our friends riding through the neighborhood or skiing down a slope!

It’s no different when it comes to live, face-to-face communication. The more we do it, the less awkward it becomes. But today’s kids and teens aren’t putting in the time nor the repetitions necessary to allow in-person communication to feel more natural and less awkward.

Action ideas

• We as fathers should consider encouraging and gently challenging our kids to spend more time playing, socializing, and working out issues with their friends face-to-face.
• Let’s talk to our kids about the importance of developing this lost art form of communication while acknowledging that it can be uncomfortable at times.

Bob Orndorff is the senior director of career services and an affiliate associate professor in counselor education at Penn State who has been involved in the local fathering effort in Centre County for 22 years. In cooperation with the National Center for Fathering, we aim to provide monthly Action Ideas to stimulate conversation among families. To comment on this article, for more information, or to join local conversations, contact Bob at BobOrndorff@psu.edu. To read more, visit: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61571382497388.