A horn of help: Join a grief education and support group in State College

My husband and I recently had a glorious trip to Ireland. John and I traveled all around the island visiting national parks, historic and spiritual sites, and locations of my ancestry. It was, using some of the adjectives we often heard from the Irish there: beautiful, lovely, perfect and brilliant. I am very grateful that we had this opportunity.

Now, as can happen when we are in a country that does a few things differently than ours, there were some moments of befuddlement. Most especially around navigating — both driving and walking — in the cities and towns. Thankfully, for me, John generously did the driving. Like on our Scotland trip in 2024, he got adept at driving on the left side of the road from the right side of the Nissan Juke rental car — with the gearshift on his left.

When it came to walking around the cities and towns and crossing intersections, some heavily tourist areas helped us out by having words painted on the streets like, “Look left,” or “Look right.” I was always grateful for those directions since it really wasn’t natural for me to look the way we needed before we crossed. Many intersections also had the red or green walking person lights to let us know when it was safe for us to walk.

So when I came to an intersection in Kildare — one of my favorite spots on our trip — with no directions on the street and no walking person lights, I had a hard time figuring out what to do. At the time, we were in search of a specific store, and John was scoping out another direction, which left me on my own.

Standing there at that street corner, I froze. On top of the lack of pedestrian signage, the traffic signals weren’t clearly visible either. I was befuddled.

Granted, this was a relatively small town with two-lane roads. Although there was a steady stream of traffic, it wasn’t overwhelming. Nevertheless, I was stuck as to how to navigate it.

After the lights changed, a woman appeared on my left and quickly ran across the street. I still wasn’t sure if it was my turn to walk.

And then there was the beep of a horn. The Irish are known for their kindness and this benevolent driver who was waiting to make a turn in front of me, beeped to let me know I could walk. I accepted the invitation, and safely made it to the other side.

Later, as I thought back over this situation, it reminded me of grief and loss. After the death of someone important to us, it can feel like we’ve traveled to another country where things are done differently. We come to intersections and choices in our lives and freeze. There are no directions for us or clear signals telling us when and how to move forward. Other people move past us and we can’t take a step. We need a kind horn to give us a sign about what to do next.

One form of a kind horn will soon become available in the grief education and support group “Healing on the Grieving Path.” If you have lost a loved one, you are invited to join Brenda Oyler Kim, MSW, LCSW, and me for a four-week grief education and support series. In partnership with the YMCA of Centre County’s State College Branch, we will meet on Tuesdays, May 26, and June 2, June 9 and June 16 at 677 W. Whitehall Road, State College. This series will provide a safe space to learn about and discuss grief, along with the healing that can occur from actively participating in it. Everyone is welcome whether they’re only feeling the grief, or feeling both the grief and the healing.

As Helen Keller said, “We bereaved are not alone.” Healing on the Grieving Path is a way to experience that.

Jackie Naginey Hook, MA, is a spiritual director, celebrant, and end-of-life doula who facilitates the Helping Grieving Hearts Heal program through Koch Funeral Home in State College. This column is coordinated by the Learning to Live: What’s Your Story? initiative whose mission is to create educational and conversational opportunities for meaningful intergenerational exchanges on loss, grief, growth, and transformation.