How do you make DEI efforts more genuine? It starts with relationship-building

Lately it appears that Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) are on many minds. Yet, there is considerable confusion about implementing DEI effectively in workplaces, institutions or in community neighborhood, religious and secular groups.

Most organizations undertake diversity efforts to ensure that diverse groups of people are represented in proportions similar to their numbers in the larger population. They track their diversity metrics, often without understanding the people or nuances involved, or without a commitment to real relationship-building with many diverse groups.

DEI activist Verna Myers is quoted as saying, “Diversity is being invited to the dance.” Many feel their work is done, once they invite diverse people to join their efforts.

However, invitation alone is not sufficient to ensure even diversity, let alone inclusion and equity. A few important questions need to be considered.

Firstly, who gets invited? Many groups are invisible to those with the power to invite. These blindspots cause groups to be omitted, often without consideration to demographics, history, or to who may be impacted by an issue.

Secondly, who is still missing? Asking this question is critical to constantly improving diverse representation based on race, class, religion, sexual orientation, ability, age, immigration status and so much more.

Thirdly, why are people not showing up? Some expect those invited to automatically accept, and feel frustrated when they don’t. Others recognize that those who experience being “othered” in the larger society may even choose to stay away simply because they expect “othering” in the event or organization they are invited to.

This range of responses toward those who do not accept the invitation, is one of the critical differences between genuine and performative DEI efforts.

Real DEI efforts will include reaching out to find out why invitees stayed away, and act on insights gained. However, this conversation often requires prior relationship and trust, making the time-consuming work of relationship-building the most important priority of all DEI efforts.

Performative DEI efforts expect invitees to show up, and may blame them if they do not. They will not include reflection on how someone got the power to invite in the first place, and to set parameters of the interaction.

In other words, genuine DEI efforts will be grounded in empathy for those who stay away, rather than in grievance against them. They would be based on a realization that an effective invitation must be accompanied by other actions in community contexts, all year round, including ongoing relationship-building with diverse groups.

In my DEI education, training and activism efforts, I often see people engage in performative DEI, which is easier. Genuine DEI requires substantial effort, skill, lived experience and out-of-the-box thinking to deconstruct dominant view points that centre Eurocentric thought, heterosexual ideology, ableism and more.

At a personal level, a simple analogy is what we do when we invite someone for dinner, to make them feel more welcome. We may check on their food allergies, or restrictions because of religious beliefs.

For those we know well, we may know their favorites. For new invitees, we may aim to first know their restrictions, and learn their favorites over time. Or we may realize that a dinner invitation is a bad idea because there is no synergy between what we can offer and what they can eat. Instead, we may choose to connect while eating out, or over a walk, coffee, Zoom, email or social media.

Every interaction offers us an opportunity to connect, to diversify who is at the metaphoric table, and to create a sense of belonging, by putting in the work necessary to respect and include others’ ways of being and to see them as individuals.

In future columns, I hope to delve into inclusion, equity and belonging, which are essential for all our diversity efforts to succeed.

This story was originally published July 25, 2021 at 7:00 AM.